Saturday, January 30, 2016

More Accessories For The Gun Fetishist

I once posted on the many great accessories available to those who love their gunzzz so much that they must have accessories to go with them in their everyday activities.  But there's no shortage of others, and it is high time I posted some more....
Flower Shell

Let's say you've just returned from a long week occupying a federal refuge area and just need to take it slow.  What better way than gardening?  And the ONLY way any self-respecting gun guy should garden is by using guns, of course!  Just purchase some Flower Shells, shotgun shells loaded with flower seeds, and start blasting at the ground!  It's easy!  You could shoot at the ground to plant some poppies, or just aim out over the soil to scatter some wildflowers.  Boom!

Shower gun safe
After all that hard work in the garden, you'll need to take a shower.  Since you never know when a druggie/rapist/robber/terrorist will jump out at you from behind the shower curtain, be sure to put your handgun into the shower gun safe, right there next to your lavender conditioner.  Careful your soapy fingers don't slip on that trigger!

"open carry" tee shirt
As you get dressed, be sure to put on your gun-holster yoga pants and stick a second pink gun in your gun-holster bra (careful not to shoot yourself in the eye like this Michigan politician did).  And just to play it safe, in case you can't openly carry your piece in public, put this "open carry tee shirt" on.  Looks like the real thing!  But be sure to follow the advice of the maker and don't put your hand on the "gun" on the shirt, for fear police will think it's the real thing and shoot you!  You'll want to accessorize that outfit with an actual, working pistol ring on your finger and some bullet earrings.
iPhone case

Walk out the bathroom, pulling the gun door knob on the way, and then pull out your phone to call your liberty-lovin' militia pals to come over for some pistol-packin' fun.  Careful, though, don't let the police think that gun-shaped iPhone case is the real thing.  You might regret that it looks so realistic.

Assault rifle forks
After your pals and you shoot up some good, old-fashioned, women-shaped targets that bleed, you can sit down at the dining table and enjoy the fruits of your latest elk hunt on your favorite gun motto plate, eating your meat with assault rifle forks and musket-shaped cutlery. Don't forget to set plates for the kids, such as the one that says "G is for gun."

Playing "Ca$h 'n Guns"
After dinner, why not play a fun game of Ca$h 'n Guns, where you can have lots of laughs by pretending to shoot each other.  As one fan of the game put it, "Often personal vendettas have more to do with what happens than making the best move.  The game involves pointing a foam gun at people."  Fun!  Careful not to confuse the foam guns with the real ones on your hips.

Shotgun shell shot glasses

Be sure to pour you and your buddies some nice, stiff drinks from your pistol decanter into your shotgun shell shot glasses (complete with bandoleer), or maybe some gun drinking glasses with some bullet-shaped ice cubes, too.

Once your pals leave, and you stumble off to bed, fluff up your gun pillows, pull down your camo sheets, and put your gun into the bed holster.  No lock needed!

Bed holster
Oops, you drank too much, thought you heard a noise in the middle of the night, and unintentionally shot yourself to death?  Well, no worries.  Your love of guns can see you off to the afterlife, too.  Just have your pals pack your cremated remains into shotgun shells and shoot you to Heaven!  Nothing says "Freedom" more than going out in a puff of gunpowder!

There's simply no end to the ways you can feed your gun fetish, night and day!