More Accessories For The Gun Fetishist

I once posted on the many great accessories available to those who love their gunzzz so much that they must have accessories to go with them in their everyday activities.  But there's no shortage of others, and it is high time I posted some more....

Flower Shell

Let's say you've just returned from a long week occupying a federal refuge area and just need to take it slow.  What better way than gardening?  And the ONLY way any self-respecting gun guy should garden is by using guns, of course!  Just purchase some Flower Shells, shotgun shells loaded with flower seeds, and start blasting at the ground!  It's easy!  You could shoot at the ground to plant some poppies, or just aim out over the soil to scatter some wildflowers.  Boom!

Shower gun safe

After all that hard work in the garden, you'll need to take a shower.  Since you never know when a druggie/rapist/robber/terrorist will jump out at you from behind the shower curtain, be sure to put your handgun into the shower gun safe, right there next to your lavender conditioner.  Careful your soapy fingers don't slip on that trigger!

"open carry" tee shirt

As you get dressed, be sure to put on your gun-holster yoga pants and stick a second pink gun in your gun-holster bra (careful not to shoot yourself in the eye like this Michigan politician did).  And just to play it safe, in case you can't openly carry your piece in public, put this "open carry tee shirt" on.  Looks like the real thing!  But be sure to follow the advice of the maker and don't put your hand on the "gun" on the shirt, for fear police will think it's the real thing and shoot you!  You'll want to accessorize that outfit with an actual, working pistol ring on your finger and some bullet earrings.

iPhone case

Walk out the bathroom, pulling the gun door knob on the way, and then pull out your phone to call your liberty-lovin' militia pals to come over for some pistol-packin' fun.  Careful, though, don't let the police think that gun-shaped iPhone case is the real thing.  You might regret that it looks so realistic.

Assault rifle forks

After your pals and you shoot up some good, old-fashioned, women-shaped targets that bleed, you can sit down at the dining table and enjoy the fruits of your latest elk hunt on your favorite gun motto plate, eating your meat with assault rifle forks and musket-shaped cutlery. Don't forget to set plates for the kids, such as the one that says "G is for gun."

Playing "Ca$h 'n Guns"

After dinner, why not play a fun game of Ca$h 'n Guns, where you can have lots of laughs by pretending to shoot each other.  As one fan of the game put it, "Often personal vendettas have more to do with what happens than making the best move.  The game involves pointing a foam gun at people."  Fun!  Careful not to confuse the foam guns with the real ones on your hips.

Shotgun shell shot glasses

Be sure to pour you and your buddies some nice, stiff drinks from your pistol decanter into your shotgun shell shot glasses (complete with bandoleer), or maybe some gun drinking glasses with some bullet-shaped ice cubes, too.


Once your pals leave, and you stumble off to bed, fluff up your gun pillows, pull down your camo sheets, and put your gun into the bed holster.  No lock needed!

Bed holster

Oops, you drank too much, thought you heard a noise in the middle of the night, and unintentionally shot yourself to death?  Well, no worries.  Your love of guns can see you off to the afterlife, too.  Just have your pals pack your cremated remains into shotgun shells and shoot you to Heaven!  Nothing says "Freedom" more than going out in a puff of gunpowder!

There's simply no end to the ways you can feed your gun fetish, night and day!  

The Holidays Are About Peace And Goodwill, Not Guns

I want to wish all of my readers a very peaceful and joy-filled Christmas and holiday season.

I celebrate Christmas.  But regardless of which holiday you celebrate, the holiday season is about peace and goodwill toward our fellow citizens.  It's about family values.  It's about putting the worst of us behind us and going into the new year with a renewed sense of bettering ourselves and our communities.  To that end we celebrate by enjoying a little light in the darkest time of year -- namely the light of our faith and our fellowship.

Do guns fit into that philosophy?  Are lethal weapons part of the "goodwill toward Man?"

Earlier this month, the gun guys in Scottsdale reveled in their gun fetish as part of their season of joy by posing with their children and Santa ... and machine guns.  See the picture, above.  Said the owner:

"It's designed to be a holiday-themed event where people can express their passion for firearms and the holiday spirit."

Really?  The "holiday spirit" involves deadly weapons to these people?  Do they really celebrate the same holiday I do?  It doesn't seem to resemble mine.  And if you think violent movies and video games glorify guns and violence to our young children, just wait until they see Santa wielding his AR-15!

Listen to how Fox commentators try to justify it, saying it's a "reminder to visiting Europeans" not to invade us, and a threat to Occupy protesters that "the other side is better armed."  Wow.   And when one of the panel questions the involvement of children in this nonsense, watch how the gun apologists jump on him.  Is this how we want our nation to see Christmas?

And gun sales are apparently up this Christmas season in Springfield, Missouri.  From the article:

Firearms sales are always brisk this time of year at Gunsmoke Gun & Pawn.

"A lot of guys are buying themselves guns for Christmas," says manager Brandon Reynolds. "It's Christmas bonus season and people have a little extra disposable cash."

And giving firearms as gifts is becoming as popular as any flat screen TV or bicycle. 

"We sell a lot of concealed carry weapons," adds Reynolds. "We do the classes here and they're full just about every Saturday."

Sales for concealed carry weapons -- or CCWs -- are on the rise, especially since August when the minimum age for a permit dropped from 23 to 21.

Nothing expresses your joy and love for your loved ones like lethal weapons, apparently.  And how very relieving to know that people just out of their teens are now arming themselves on the streets of Missouri.  They'll have great judgment for life-and-death situations, I'm sure.

We need to fight this deadly nonsense.  Christmas is about understanding and peace, not about arming ourselves and our paranoia.

Here's one thing I'm grateful for today.  Here in the Eugene/Springfield area of Oregon, there hasn't been anyone killed or injured by firearms since early November, as far as has been reported in the media.  It must be some kind of a record.  There's been at least ten armed robberies with guns since then (bringing the yearly total to something like 30 now), but at least no one was harmed.  Let's hope the relative peace holds for a while longer.  Other areas of Oregon haven't been so lucky.

From myself and Ceasefire Oregon, I wish all of you a peaceful and joyous holiday season.  Put away your guns, eat some fruitcake, spend just a little bit of your time helping someone less fortunate, and try to recognize that even the worst people out there have at least a shred of decency worth appealing to.  Merry Christmas, and may peace be with you.

ADDENDUM (12/30/11):  Man who killed his entire family and himself after unwrapping presents, and dressed as Santa, was pre-meditated; distraught over financial issues:  
http://mikeb302000.blogspot.com/2011/12/update-on-texas-santa-claus-mass.html 

RELATED ARTICLE (12/31/11):  "No Season of Peace from Gun Violence" by Dennis Henigan:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dennis-a-henigan/no-season-of-peace-from-g_b_1175297.html

Accessories for the Gun Fetishist

Back in July I posted a blog entitled "You're Probably A Pro-Gun Extremist If ...." which listed some very good indicators that you may fall into that category.  I consider it a public service.  To treat a problem you first have to realize you have a problem, right?

Well, another sign that you may be a pro-gun extremist is if you have paraphernalia proudly displayed around your home which advertises your fetish for guns.  No, I'm not talking about NRA hats or bumper stickers, or that nicely displayed collection of antique six-shooters, or the new laser sight you bought.  I'm talking about everyday items that now have to have a gun theme, items which proudly proclaim, "Guns are in my everyday thoughts!  Come to my home, where everything should be gun-related!"

For instance, lighting.  Here's a great gallery of lamps which feature guns as the stand.  Name your category, they have it:  Tommy guns, semi-auto handguns, revolvers, assault rifles.  Some are chrome, others golden.  One even states at the base, "Happiness is a hot gun."  Ah, nothing says "cozy home furnishings" more than that!  And here's a gun lamp that goes even further.  Just aim the gun and pull the trigger and the lamp turns off, knocking the shade askew.  Yay!  Now you can live out a snippet of your home invasion fantasy every time you fall asleep.  Sweet dreams!

And you can wake up to your home defense fantasies, too, with a shooting alarm clock!  In fact, there are TWO to choose from.  One is sorta old fashioned, with a gun that is actually attached to the clock.  But more impressive is this newer one with a pop-up target, which has "bang" sounds, a countdown for shooting, and a voice that tells you how excellent your shooting was.  Heck, nothing is better to wake up to than gunfire, right?

Once you're awake, it's time to get dressed.  Put on your Ted Nugent shirt and NRA cap... but wait!  What about the shoes, ladies?  Why, now you can get stylish with these pumps that feature handguns as the high heels!  There's plenty of styles to choose from.  And where will you hide your concealed firearm?  Putting it in your purse is so passé.  How about in your bra?  Yes, with the Flashbang holster, you can put your small semi-auto handgun in the front between your breasts.  With a hand up your shirt and a quick-release, you can be defending yourself in style!  As they say, "Nothing comes between a woman and her gun!"  And for those who fumble, it doubles as a do-it-yourself mastectomy kit, too!

Now it's time to step out for a quick smoke.  No self-respecting gun owning smoker would be without a gun lighter, right?  Aw, aren't they cute?  Now you can light up while, at the same time, proclaiming your love of fire AND firearms!  Shucks, why not go all out and get one that looks like the real thing?  What's the harm in it?  Of course people DIE because they mistake real guns for lighters.  Like this case, or this one, or this one.  Eh, who cares?  It's not illegal or immoral for such things to be made.  We've got our rights, you know!  And you're smokin' in style, too!

But even if you shoot yourself to death with your real-gun-you-thought-was-a-lighter, you can even express your gun fetish after your death!  You could, for instance, have a coffin made out of smashed guns.  But I think a more touching expression of your gun fetish would be to pack your ashes into live bullets.  Yes, that's right, for one low, low price of $850 you can have your ashes put into 250 shotgun shells.  Said one of the turkey-hunting inventors about what his friends could do with his ashes and what they would think, "He could rest in peace, knowing that one more turkey, the last thing he saw, was Clem screaming at him at 900 feet per second."  Or you could go with 100 high-caliber rounds, or pistol rounds, etc.  Heck, they could have a 21-gun salute at your memorial service and have people shoot you sky-high.  Glamorize guns even after you die!  Nothing says you love Second Amendment rights, to whatever extreme, more than the combined smell of gunpowder and human remains.